 |
Mistreatment in the context of the married couple is a complicated problem due to the following reasons:
1. it is more common than we imagine. It is quite widespread, even though victims are usually silent. It is present in all social groups, and in all professions, cultures and religions.
2. The aggressor rarely changes and, in spite of promises, tends to repeat the behaviour.
3. The aggressor suffers from low self-esteem and compensates for this need by intimidating and hitting the spouse. This sense of power/authority favours relapse.
4. The attacker blames the victim, arguing that she provoked him to violence.
5. the victim experiences feelings of anxiety, despair, guilt, fear and shame. He/she denies the problem, holds onto false hopes of a solution, keeps quite and perpetuates the suffering.
6. The victim does not realize the high level of risk he/she is taking. and if she realises, she does not believe there is a way out and does not know what to do or to whom to go.
The following are Preventive Measures
Prevention should occur from several fronts: the victim, the perpetrator who wishes to recover, and friends and family of the couple.
1. The Victim
- Do not take signs and warnings lightly, access your risks and seek help if you are in danger.
- Speak about this with an intimate friend or someone close to you.
- Observe your partner and the changes in his personality, word, messages, accusations, etc. that may announce violence.
- Prepare an emergency plan to protect yourself and your children in case of need.
- Arrange for a place of refuge in case things get complicated, eg. the house of someone you trust.
2. The Aggressor
- Examine the consequences that may result from your behaviour.
- Admit that you have a problem and that you need to seek professional help.
3. The Close Friend or Family of the Victim
- Do not judge nor criticize her attitude or inability to face the problem
- Spend time listening to her to understand her and to help her.
- Encourage her and let her know that she is not alone and she should not blame herself.
- Offer practical help: her children, her work, looking for a lawyer, for a refuge, etc.
- When advising, consider her personal safety and that of her children.
- Be patient, as changes may be quite slow.
How to solve the Problem
In the first stages of marital violence, solution to the problem should be attempted through psychological intervention.
These are examples of psychological treatment for the perpetrator:
- Thought control. The aggressive husband must learn to identify thought content preceding violence. Impulses tend to follow negative thoughts towards his wife or after having observed some detail that he dislikes in her. When such thoughts take over his mind, he needs to reject them and adopt non- dangerous thoughts. He can also instruct himself: 'Calm down, go take a walk to relax yourself.
- Behavioural plan. The behaviour of the aggressor tends to feed itself with details, events, observations or behaviours that serve as stimuli. The goal is to identify these and avoid them. In this way, the chain leaving to the violence is broken. This stimuli may be certain types of readings or movies, the company of someone else, the use of alcoholic beverages, visiting certain places or the submissive attitude of the victim-spouse.
- Self-concept enhancement. The perpetrator normally suffers from serious self-esteem deficiencies and needs to develop self-esteem in a healthy manner. He needs to embark upon constructive tasks that bring self-confidence. He also needs words and gestures of approval when he manages to do things well and when he makes progress towards the freedom from aggressive behaviour.
Likewise, the victim needs to introduce changes to support her husband's recovery or to leave the relationship if necessary:
- Self-esteem development. It is necessary that the victim, in spite of her situation, be reassured that she has dignity, talent, and possesses value and desirable qualities. she needs to focus on such ideas and reject all adverse thoughts towards herself.
- Practice assertiveness. She should gain practice in communicating with her husband, in a correct and firm manner, the limits - Zero aggressive behaviour. She also needs to establish in clear terms what the consequence would be if he goes beyond the limit.
- Prepare a way out from the crisis. Women who are victims of abuse need to have a concrete plan to abandon the relationship with guarantee or personal safety in case he does not respect the ultimatum. Someone should be near to guide her through these difficult steps. When the abusive behaviour does not cease, the alternative is of a legal and social nature. The perpetrator is accused and may be arrested and processed in a court of law. The victim needs advice to seek the most appropriate steps in her particular situation. The abused spouse is offered refuge by local authorities, non-governmental organisations, or churches, in order to keep her and her children safe and to provide for their physical and emotional needs.
The Male Victim
More than 95% of cases of violence in couples are perpetrated by males upon females. However, there are situations where the male is victim of female violence. Typically, these are the steps followed by the male victim:
- The woman dominates her husband with her words, actions and attitudes. She shouts, insults and blames her husband.
- Verbal violence is transformed into physical violence and she hit, slams or kicks her husband.
- Even if he is stronger, he does not react violently. Using physical force on a woman would be abusive or cowardice.
- He feels uncomfortable in her presence and prefers to be away; he needs time to be alone and at peace.
- Psychological (rather than physical) pain increases because of the treatment received at the hand of his partner.
- He feels deep embarrassment and keeps quite so that nobody finds out his humiliating situation.
- He thinks that if he were to tell people, they would probably not believe him and/ or they would make fun of him.
No comments:
Post a Comment